Beatrice took both of Rowan hands, “Can we talk?”
Rowan couldn’t believe her ears. Beatrice, her partner for 40 years, had spent the last 10 of them slowly fading into dementia. The last 3 months, she had plummeted into days filled with lonely misbehaviors, like putting half-eaten food into her pockets, hiding a banana under the mattress and being unable to find her way home when she was only a half a block away. On the rare occasions when she said a word, it was to wake Rowan in the middle of the night and ask, “Who are you?”
A heartbreaking month ago, Rowan decided she couldn’t do it anymore, that she had to find one of those memory care places for Beatrice to live.
But on this night, Beatrice sat with Rowan and talked for an hour. “I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I know I’ve lost something, that my brain doesn’t work the way it used to. I love you and want you to have your life back. You are doing the right thing by finding me a new home.”
About 20 minutes after they started talking, Beatrice’s daughter, Emily, called and Rowan put her on speaker phone. Emily is not a therapist, but she played the role, helping Beatrice express what she needed and wanted to, comforting Rowan through her never-ending tears.
It was miraculous that the person Beatrice once was had emerged from her silence to assure Rowan, the person she loved, “You are doing the right thing. You are doing what I want you to do.”