This morning,
At around 5:30 AM,
Between sipping my first cup of warmed-over coffee,
And worrying about about having every disease known to man ,
I was filled with the joy of Life.
Having wakened
At around 3:38 AM,
Which has become so customary I now expect it,
(In fact, I can now know it’s 3:38 AM without looking at the clock)
I didn’t know I would feel such joy.
The coffee
Was most important,
As it usually is, since it can be blessedly relied on
To dissolve the terrifying cobwebs that spider over me while sleeping,
So, I expected nothing more.
But sometime
‘Tween ABC’s Early News
And the pre-dawn broadcast of how to shed pounds,
My supine figure, nearly asleep on the fat, soft sofa in the darkened den
Got light with the dawn.
This surprise
Lifted me off the leather,
And got me floating down the long, unlit hallway
Until I reached my office with fresh coffee in hand, plus a cold pizza slice.
And turned on the lamp.
I thought:
Could this last all day,
This feeling that all’s well? that Life’s molecules whirl
As they are meant to? That aging sleeplessness is not my new normal ?
That my choices have worked?
Have I
Moved across a continent,
Let go of my life’s work to discover new parts of self,
Lost a brother who I wish I knew better to an expected , angering illness,
Encountered my own death;
Have these
Events finally begun
To coalesce into the shape of a life I can sleep on?
Should I take my dodgy blood pressure right now to see if these thoughts calm me?
Will it be lower than my
Expectations?