Since perfection is an impossibility – only a state most devoutly to be wished for- why do we cling to the notion that it is even something to hold as in any way real? Why is it such a powerful idea?
I’ve been a devoted Creative Caffeine writer for several years now, and for the most part, my partners have been creative, constant and dependable. I say “for the most part” because of course, there have been dozens of what i call “dry weeks”, like this one that is just now ending,, wherein I’ve never heard from the partner at all. I mean not one single word.
I’ve written a rant or two about that disappointment in the past, and usually have received some response or other, eventually, and it has always felt good to make that connection, no matter how late in the week…..or even at all.
But I have always written faithfully, my four or five prompt responses and i do indeed adore doing so.
But this week?
Nope.
I was not only imperfect in my commitment to write daily- which again i say i enjoy- but i also feel somehow like a failure for not having written almost nothing st all……..it feels like chances missed….chances for what? Chances for creation , for spinning tales, weaving gossamer kingdoms of words….i missed chances…like babes not aborning…i guess you could say that this week i have been a bit of an abortionist. This is not a good feeling.
Not that most of what i write here would ever be seen by anyone.
But there usually is the slim gleam of a chance it would be read by at least my partner.
So, no gleam this week. Not a single glimmer.
Darkness.
SO that is why i am sitting down at this last minute and spewing forth this little document. I will not send it to the Friday Blog, (though then again, I might), as i always faithfully send something, or i may send the one piece i did manage to get down on the screen for the very first day of this week….as i said i never heard back from my partner….and i do hold a reservoir of anger towards this person because they have so rudely ignored me.
Now, i may be being harsh here…that unknown partner (who in her bio professes to want to kick start a writing practice) may be ill…maybe she is on vacation and has her hands too full of a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a drink in a coconut shell, or an entrance ticket to see some castle or other….or it could be sheer laziness to even consider keeping her word here…her word not only to me (who she does not know at all) or to her self and her desire to write….i understand laziness…lassitude….wanting to fold back into the silence of ones pillow.
She could also be ill, as I said…and i sincerely hope she is not.
But for whatever reason, i was struck quite dumb by the silence she did send me…..and silence is not my usual state.
That being said:
I hate that i have missed the chance to express myself sitting by my little writing office window….the pleasure of enjoying my coffee with that stranger on the other side of the deal.
Anyway…the week now ends and i will submit some little scribble to the Blog….
Because , there may be no such thing as perfection, but there remains my need to connect.
Always….to connect.
I write this with love in my heart, because writing aways makes me feel that love.