I try to be very mindful with my speech. I know first hand how harmful words can be, even if they’re said with the best intentions. Words can indeed hurt, disproving the saying that “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Words can destroy relationships and break hearts.
I try to think before I speak. I’m not always able to do that, and in fact sometimes I’m really surprised at what comes out of my mouth, especially if I’m upset or angry. I try to practice Jack Kornfield’s teaching on Wise Speech, which is part of the Buddhist Eight Fold Path – is what I’m about to say kind, is it true, is it necessary, and is it the right time to say it. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the way I understand the teaching, and when I can remember to ask myself those questions it can be very helpful.
Sometimes I want to say something in the heat of the moment, or even after stewing about it for some time, that’s really not necessary to say. Sometimes I find myself unable to wait for an appropriate time to say something, fully knowing as I’m saying it that it’s not the best time and will likely cause problems instead of being the start of a meaningful and healing conversation. I mostly try to be kind, but sometimes I can say something in a way that really isn’t kind at all. I mostly speak the truth, or certainly my truth as I see it which sometimes may not be the actual truth or the other person’s truth.
Wise speech can be a very challenging practice.