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Best to remain unconscious
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The howling wind ringing in my ears. Even the airpods can’t cancel this noise. Looking outside I see the sun is hitting the trees and the leaves sit still, unperturbed.

For the first of many times throughout the day I wonder – am I going crazy? How can the howling maddening sound of the wind bash against my brain to the point of leaving semi consciousness while everything is so seemingly unperturbed.

I am clearly awake, functioning as “normal”. Inside, my world seems to collapse as the seconds run down the clock. Tick-tock.

The world sees me as the super human that they’ve projected onto my persona. An above average human that can clock in and perform miracles, all with a touch of a few clicks. Click-clack.

What they cannot see is how I struggle to breathe between the words. My breath shallow and coming at odd intervals. My body shrinks first in worry, then in anger, and then in frustration –and finally all three emotions rock it at the same time.

I spin. I spin around in circles like the first time I went on a roller coaster in six flags. First I was afraid but ready, and when i had convinced myself it was going to be okay, we started climbing. Crick-crick.

We climbed and climbed and every second I feel the pit of my stomach fall in anticipation. The fearn ringing through my ears. I cannot breathe. I need to get out. Get me out right now. Why will this not stop,


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