I”d been called in to cover for the role at the last minute. It was a role i did on Broadway for several years , so i was the logical one to call. The problem was, i had no idea where i was going and no matter how much i tried to orient myself, i simply could not find the theater or the dressing room at all. Then a little gnome- like woman showed up and started stealing items from me…first she took my time slot for the performance…we caught her at that…then she took my journal and tried to hide it but i found her and got the journal back…and then she tried to steal my long cashmere scarf, to hide herself in it and to steal it from me so i would not be able to get any comfort from it. I was frantic with fear that i would not make the curtain on time, i ran and ran, all around a city that looked like NYC but was someplace so foreign i had no idea how to get where i needed to go……i struggled and struggled to find my place ….but got more and more confused…the little gnome-like woman kept stealing things from me, until i finally caught her and made her give them back…
Or at least i tried to….
I pulled and tugged and struggled and fought her…i ran and ran and could not find my momma’s telephone number anywhere, so i could not call her for help…i was shaken awake by a bump on the side of my face….and my large 5’9″ body laying twisted in the floor next to my bed. My cheek was bruised.
I had chased myself out of my nightmare onto the floor and i had a hell of a time untwisting myself and getting back onto the bed. I felt extremely old, and that was an unfamiliar feeling, as agile as I have been my whole life.
To my remembrance, i had never fallen out of my bed before…was this the start of a new trend?
I now sleep closer to my husband and further away from the edge of the bed, because my dreams continue to seek and fail at finding. I run a lot in my dreams and never quite make it to the stage to do the show. The dressing room is crowded and they make room for me at the very end of a long cosmetic counter. I feel out of place.
I am out of place, for i am no longer needed at the half-hour call, for i am a retired actress.
Or am I?
DO we ever actually retire?