I just noticed the connection between the word “numb” and the word “number”.
If I am asleep to feeling, experiencing the world through a grey veil of disinterest and dismay, and I am in that condition more than you are, am I “number”? No, we would say I am MORE numb. Thus dissolving the conflict between another English word and it’s confusing usages.
Then again, who is to say that “numb” and “number” don’t have a direct cause and effect?
The more one increases the times one’s life is assaulted with horrors – like day after day of Trump on the TV screen – who’s to say that doesn’t result in feeling less and less like the world is a place worth experiencing?
I am deeply aware of the ways having a creature like Donald Trump plague our lives results in the deepest desire not to feel anything. A human can only absorb so much rage without transforming into the very kind of person one hates. And we need no help in finding ways to self-loathe. Need no help there at all.
Self-loathing is the other side of the very thin dime of self-love. WE humans are cursed with both.
Going numb is what happens when i watch too many hours of MSNBC. Again, “too many” has to do with numerical count, so i “number” my hours of exposure to “numbness”, but then again I cannot. Because I am a news junkie and I simply have to watch MSNBC a certain number of hours a day or I feel disconnected to the world I am so steadily overwhelmed by.
Trump and his particular affects- that smarmy grin, the stack of hay atop his empty head, the sound of his poorly schooled car salesman voice- have indeed numbed me, and even worse that numbness has led me beside the parched shores of cynicism and hopelessness. Trump is a Chinese finger puzzle I cannot free from and my only desire lately is that he disappear before I numb completely out of a caring existence.
My days of succumbing to the numbing effect of Trumps poisonous yet bland bite …..well, they are numbered.
For what is better, I ask myself: to be ignorant of what is going on around me or becoming numb to all of existence?
Both unbearable conditions.
I fantasize about what would shake me out of my creeping numbness and the ways are violent and many.
And oddly have a lot to do with catching him unaware on the toilet.
Better to be numb.