Be vigorous in anything besides judgement.
I almost made a new friend recently – who I am not sure will become a full fledged friend because of this –
I was late. And then the blame was laid on me as thick as peanut butter on bread. Nothing like blame to enhance your enjoyment of the day.
I had no idea Julie was hypo or hyper glycemic – one or the other and you must eat at certain times. She told me when I arrived at her house-around the block from mine. I apologized.
But it isn’t like I’m going to not be late again. I’m 70. My mother used to say of me “she was born to be late for school.” C section I was scheduled for 9:30 am.
There have been a few times in life I have been on time – a few dental or therapy appointments, getting an MRI, but in general I’ve had to construct a life based on not being on time for anything. I knew I had to do consulting and make my own schedule, not a 9-5, and since I did that I managed to have a career. Was that self-indulgent or just practical?
Anyway, back to Judging Julie. I met her in the neighborhood, both of us out walking and it seemed like we had a few things in common -we both had a strong interest in Tai Chi, in walking, and in finding new friends. I had moved here in the last year, she a few years ago but at the beginning of the Pandemic, which was not a good time to make friends. She’s in her late 60s.
But on our first get-together we ran into trouble with my lateness. No honeymoon period. Not a good sign.
I’m not saying that I wasn’t inconsiderate – but I had run into Jim on the way over there and he had a few things to say, and I wanted to listen – he is a new friend who seems like he likes talking with me. He doesn’t seem so inclined to judge. That stop compounded with my leaving 10 minutes later than planned. It was a beautiful Summer day, one made for enjoying oneself.
Now the year is winding down, winter arrived.
I do need more friends here, and I’m in that quandary – do I try to salvage something with Julie or do I just move on to the next person? Am I being realistic or perhaps am judging her too harshly?
Flip a coin. See what the universe has to say. Heads move on, Tails, try once more. Heads.
Someone else will do well with vigorous judgement. I’ll keep engaging with open hearted ones.
By Paul DeLong
On January 8, 2023
I feel a lightness here in this writing in approach to these late and quirky times. I hope you are feeling that light touch that you write of. It strikes me as a fine antidote to judgement. Thanks. 🙂 Paul