Or is it simply laziness ?
Or perhaps well-earned exhaustion?
Whatever it is, since a pal mentioned the word to me days ago it has been on my mind, and i am intrigued by the very sound of it, no matter if it occupies a place in my actual life or not: to LANGUISH…ending in a soft pillow of “Shhhhhh…”, saying it out loud is a sort of languid pleasure trip, enlivening the tongue and nasal passages on its way down…….it resonates in a way the actual concept does not: to languish….for most, it means stagnation, I’ve discovered….like a ship languishing in the muddy flats of disaster….or a prisoner dying of starvation and
thirst in his dungeon…the idea is that languishing is static, deathly, not active enough to care anymore.
Is that what I am doing , as I age?
Or am I simply in love with watching constant re-runs of LAW AND ORDER SVU?
I do love that show, and find its 15 seasons or more of sexual crime and punishment deeply satisfying to watch. I have become an official LAW AND ORDER SVU couch potato , even though i have probably seen each episode more than twice….why do I love it so?
Perhaps because i used to act in such tv shows? And adored each time i appeared as a lawyer or a judge or a nosy neighbor?
No, it’s because the adventures of those legally-upright characters, such as Olivia Benson, appeal to my better nature, and i find that if can hear the sound of Olivias voice, low , soft, soothing, my life is okay again.
She is my hero.
Forget that Mariska Hargatay’s mother Jayne Mansfield died in a gruesome car-wreck, decapitating her
gorgeous head of blonde hair….i knew of Jaynes demise long before LAW AND ORDER was ever dreamt of….and that should tell you something about how old I am. I am not young . Though i feel young every time i watch SVU and their scales of justice come to grips with the skankiest of human beings. Something in the reassurance (a la Susan Sontag) of a 60-minute tale bringing right to bear over wrong no matter what, even if it has to be continued into another episode, makes me feel the stirrings of hope that there a Gd in His Heaven and all can be right with the world .
All i know for sure is that i languish in the embrace of that television shows scripted embrace, and will continue to do so. I have a friend who says she does not fear dying as long as we remember to put the TV remote control device in her cold dead hands. She will watch and binge and channel surf into Kingdom Come!
OR maybe I am not languishing at all, as i age.
Is languishing supposed to be enjoyable and filled with that certain beauty i feel when i have all the time in my world to reminisce, breathe, sleep, observe and write, and also do absolutely nothing if i do not wish to?
Is languishing good or bad?
I guess it depends on whether you like mud or not.
For now, the ship of Me is content to be relaxed in its cooling, delicious embrace – as if it was a spa mud bath – and i can hear the sound of Olivia Bensons voice giving reassuring advice to the newest rape victim.
Because Life has sometimes felt like an assault, anything that soothes is okay by me!
Right?
Pass me those cookies please.