I hold grudges.
It’s what i do, and even though i know its wrong to do so, i conceive of a dislike or a hatred for someone or something, and it stays with me.
i shall never not hate Donald Trump…i don’t care if they discover he is the Messiah and god himself, i shall never forgive his nastiness and his utterly destructive narcissistic personality.
I do not know what forgiveness means when it comes to donald trump.
I will harbor a hatred for him forever.
And i cannot forgive, ever, the people who have betrayed the people i love.
I could bring up a specific case in point, but i don’t want to even think about him right now, so, no i do not know what forgiveness means.
I am still angry with my father for dying when i was 16 years old.
I am not a forgiving person. and that is that .
I hold grudges and it gives me great pleasure to do so.
it makes me feel powerful to hold grudges. I can control my feelings about a particular hated person if i can hold a grudge against them, and though i have not had many, i have hated and not regretted it.
i cannot wax poetic and sweetly about forgiveness because i cannot forgive Paul for dying, my father for dying, my brother for dying, and on and on goes the list.
I guess i cannot forgive my mother for dying too, since i never got to know her as i wished i could have.
I hate them al for dying.
My mind is roaming and i realize i cannot forgive.
Am i doomed to Hell for not being able to forgive? Do i care?
It feels god to hate.
I am a flawed human in that regard, and i wonder if i will ever be able to forgive all the people who hurt me along the way.
I know what forgiveness means, but i will have none of it, it seems.
I am not a forgiving person.
And thereby hangs many a tale.
By Paul DeLong
On March 29, 2023
Refreshing honesty by this narrator, and a lusciously tantalizing ending! 🙂