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On the Edge of Change
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Now is the in-between time. It’s when I have a feeling that my life is about to change again, but it hasn’t happened yet. At this particular moment, everything remains the same. My boyfriend Savoy left to help his 86-year-old mom. He’s been helping her in one way or another for several years now, even before she moved from Florida back to Oregon because Savoy refused to move to Florida and she knew that she’d need his help. Savoy is pushing 70 and has his own issues. Now Carol has a bit of dementia which is not too bad yet. We don’t know what the future holds for us or for Carol. It’s like we’re in waiting mode. Navigating the Medicare system in case she needs nursing care in the future is insane beyond belief and makes no sense to me at all. The entire healthcare system makes no sense to me at all.

Then there’s the other thing. Today I spoke with a recruiter who works directly for a global law firm based in Georgia. She found me somehow on LinkedIn and emailed me because I didn’t answer her messages. That’s because I have three different LinkedIn accounts and didn’t realize it until last night. One says I still work at Dechert LLP in Silicon Valley and another says I work for my current outsource company. The third one looks like moments of insanity on my part, as if I was in a dream state when I created that LinkedIn profile. It lists me as a creative writer with an MFA in Writing and a Leader of Ukulele Jams. And outlines my experience writing and playing ukulele. While that LinkedIn profile made me smile and even laugh a little, I know it is not going to be particularly useful to me at this time. The Ukulele Jam Leader occupation is the one that cracked me up the most. Really? Okay! I mean at least “Writer” has some sort of context.

The meeting with the recruiter went so well. Kate was pleasant and easy to talk to. She asked if the salary listed was acceptable to me, “80,000 to 90,000 a year.” Umm, yes, very acceptable. I attempted not to sound too excited though it was not surprising to me. That’s how much in-house Legal Document Specialists make at law firms when they’re not working through an outsourcing company. It’s pretty typical. I made about that much myself in Silicon Valley, however, it’s so difficult to survive when you’re supporting kids and even young adults at times. But anywhere else, it would be considered a great salary. I just assumed I would never make a lot of money again because I refuse to move for my job. I’m happy here in Eugene, Oregon with my trees and the woods close by. I’m happy that I’m still able to travel down to California to visit my grandkids and my kids — though truth be told, I do miss California and I still love San Francisco the best no matter what anyone says. I plan to visit San Francisco later this month and show my friend who grew up in Fremont the “real” San Francisco.

I sometimes have a love/hate relationship with money which does not serve me well. In fact, I’ve been singing that song, “The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees, I want money — that’s what I want!” and playing it on my ukulele as well. Not having enough money SUCKS in so many ways. I’m sick of it. So, we talked about the various shifts available and I looked at the job description and checked off everything because I’ve done it. There are several positions available and it’s all remote work. I sent Kate my resume and will wait for another person to interview me via Zoom and then I’ll take a skills test which does not surprise me or phase me at all. Then I’ll interview with one other person. I have a feeling I will obtain one of the positions, but nothing in life is certain. If they offer me a job, I’m going to take it. To heck with it all. I want money, darn it. I have struggled long enough.

So here I sit in the bareness of “waiting mode.” And that’s okay for now.

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