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Rules to be Broken
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Never hit your dog. Never hit your kids. Never hit a woman, or any woman for any reason, ever.

I say these are rules to be broken because everybody makes mistakes, especially when they are under the influence of rage, alcohol, drugs, betrayal, abandonment.

So…what are the rules that can never be broken?

What are the rules, period?

When I taught high school we had a ‘policy’ that you had to call parents back within 24 hours but one time, when I got a new kid on my caseload, everybody told me not to call the parent, I’ll call him ‘Mr. R.” to protect everyone’s anonymity, but he went by “R”. Everyone who had worked with him told me to wait three days, or 36 hours if there was a holiday involved to call him back because as soon as someone called him back he took that as a sign that he should call more, and more often. Sadly, this turned out to be true. I felt bad at first making him wait. Later, I didn’t feel bad. I wanted to make him wait more.

I have probably broken every single rule I ever thought was hard and fast. I slept with a married man, several times (same guy). I have both erred and strayed and enjoyed them both. I have lied. I have totally coveted my neighbor’s ass in every possible sense of that word. Cursing? Fuggedaboutit. Being bitchy to, about and over my parents – that describes the first 50 years of my life.

Even the things I haven’t done that I would ‘never’ do are more a function of my lack of entrepreneurship and any understanding of how money works than any kind of moral strength. I never slept with anyone to further any of my careers and I had opportunities. I didn’t buy crypto. My husband and I have now owned a couple of houses in which we stayed true to our lights: Buy high, sell low. Is that virtue, really?

Today is Good Friday. The last supper for Jesus, the last seder. I want to tell him – don’t let Judas out of your sight, he’s not really your friend. But here’s the thing – without our sins, our mistakes, our broken rules we are nothing and we will never ascend so instead I say this:

Eat the matzoh, drink the wine, embrace your least reliable friend but try, if you can, not to hit the children.

Also, go easy on Bowser.

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