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Up in Heaven on This Yom Kippur
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My ex-husband and dearest best friend just died a week ago , finally succumbing to a year’s struggle with lung cancer. I am spending this day of fasting thinking of Paul, and hearing his voice in my head. I am struck down with sadness, and i imagine him up in Heaven sitting by my Momma’s side, sipping some nice herbal tea and talking together as they did for all those many years they were alive together.

They both know they should be fasting up there in the Place Where God Sits and Makes All the Rules, but they feel like being just a little bit naughty, so they are drinking tea. No cookies , just tea. This comforts their angelic throats, for they are sore from weeping over leaving me so long on this Earth.

Those two people – Paul and Momma- loved me more than anyone haas ever loved anyone, and as i let my imagination roam, i can see my Daddy , my Poppa, come in to join them. He and Paul share the same name: Paul. My two Pauls, (and momma would say HER two Pauls – are there together.

Hearing the soft murmur of angel voices chatting over tea, my dearest Aunt Evalyn and Uncle Ed come to join and soon, the place is raucous with a sort of gentle cloud-covered joy, as the doggies of our lives come to joins, hoping for the cookies that will not be coming this day.

Claudio and Isabel, Sally (named after my mother) and Cyrano, the four dachshunds of my life , along with Schnapsie, the dachshund of my childhood….Daddy introduced us to the weiner dog and i have had them all my adult life….they are at the tea party too.

I am glad that they are all together up there, and it comforts me to imagine so.

I, who usually write and write and write , am dry for words since returning home from NYC and sitting by Paul’s death bed.
He is dead, but, if my imagination has any power whatsoever, he is up there, sipping tea, with my momma, my daddy, my doggies and my aunt and uncle….oh yeah, there is also Foxy, the dog Paul loved most in his relationship with Stephen….Foxy…PAul loved Foxy…..a Jack Russell terrier….paul wept when dogs had to be put to sleep.

I weep today…this day of Atonement…i weep and weep and weep until i can weep not more.

My throat is sore from weeping.

It is signal that my Paul died near Yom Kippur…i wonder if he is watching over me today…i sure hope so.


Lovely reflection, lovely way to honor the loved.

Thank you Paul…?.

Very moving. It sounds like a very strong relationship with Paul. And the rest of your family too.

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