That Thanksgiving more than 20 years ago. I had met Judi several weeks before and we had gotten close quickly. I was surprised this had happened to me. I really was not trying to get into a new relationship. She had answered an ad I had put on a dating site more than a year previously. I was curious when I got her reply to my ad via email. She asked me some questions about my profile, like inquiring about my cooking experience, my interest in foreign movies, things like that. I remember looking at her profile and liking what I saw.
I replied with caution, hoping my tentativeness would cause her to get cold feet and call it off, or at least stop replying. Instead, this started a series of emails and replies that I began to look forward to. From there, things went to phone calls every few nights. Those became nightly phone calls and sometimes more than nightly. Our early mutual exploration seemed to fire on so many cylinders. Eventually, we met for a Starbucks coffee date. I found her attractive, positive, and smiled that bright faced grin I really fell for. She was smart and spiritual in ways that matched my own. This struck me deeply. I was learning to live pretty well as a divorced bachelor. But this became richer as the days went by.
When I was interested in finding someone new, I probably dated nearly twenty or so women over the course of a couple of years. All these dates, if you can call them that, were with women I was hoping to hit a spark with. But it turns out I had been trying too hard. A lesson well learned. So, for more than a year I halted my pursuits. I slipped into a way of living that felt comfortable. I also stopped wondering if I was ever going to find someone, live with that sort of need, or desire.
So, I dug more deeply into the interests I had. This took me on travels all over the country on my motorcycle. And lots of hikes in wonderful places like Arizona, Utah, and Northern California. I was starting to feel like the way I was living my life was pretty much my path of happiness. I remember having several talks with myself and thinking, this is a perfectly good life. I have my singular spirituality, I never had to ask someone if it was okay to go somewhere on my own, or if they wanted to go someplace that I knew they didn’t want to go. These were some of the foibles of my previous adult relationships. I no longer asked myself, “Is this really what it’s all about? Or should I go back to casual dating without trying to get into a relationship and just enjoy their company?”
But then along came Judi. The more I tried to find reasons not to get involved with her, the more my heart was pulled in the opposite direction. And how great it felt that she was wanting to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her. I gradually became open to this relationship after tiptoeing around it for several weeks. This was a woman that fulfilled the emptiness in my life I didn’t realize I’d had. As I look back, just saying that should have given me cause for great caution. If I focus on that time leading up to that Thanksgiving, and the months immediately following, it really was a true, loving togetherness.
I had never spent a Thanksgiving without family. As the weekend approached, Judi and I had gotten closer.. I asked her if she planned to spend Thanksgiving with her family. She replied she was a bit distant from her family, both in miles and familial closeness. So, I asked her if she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me. She said she would love to.
We started to consider what we would do for the Thanksgiving meal, and of course what did spending Thanksgiving together mean? We quickly agreed we would spend the entire four-day weekend at my house.
Judi and I were both good cooks. We went about how we’d split up the cooking chores. My kitchen had great cookware and utensils – knives, pans, etc. Some of which have come from Dehillerin’s in Paris when I was away at cooking school, that I am quite fond of. The intimacy was present in everything we did. We cooked together, cleaned happily together and I enjoyed feeling her closeness in that special way I had never felt with anyone else.
Thanksgiving Thursday became Thanksgiving Thursday night, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. She even called in sick so we could be together on Monday. On Tuesday I had to return to work my shift with the fire station and couldn’t get out of that. I would if I could have.
Those wonderful days and nights we were together were far beyond anything I could have imagined. I will never forget you, Judi. As I am writing this, I can see that beautiful smiling face of yours. I’m sure it will haunt me for the rest of my days.